Thinking About Divorce? 10 Things Men Should Do Before Making a Move

Lots of people consider divorce. You might even be on the sofa now, looking at the ceiling and wondering if you’ve finally reached that point, and you may have been asking yourself this for months or it could have only been on your mind since last night. 

What you do over the next few weeks will be more important than you realize. 

The truth is, men who get through divorce and do well aren’t the ones who shout the most or are filled with fury, but those who have thought things through. Being prepared for divorce can mean saving money, looking after your children and being able to relax. 

This is a list of ten fairly straightforward things to do before you say anything, before you sign anything, and before you start packing.

1. Get a Clear Picture of Your Money

First, get comfortable and go over your finances. Lots of guys have a general idea of their income, but aren’t quite sure of all the details.

You should write down all of your bank accounts (both yours, your wife’s, and any you share), credit cards and loans, retirement and savings accounts, your mortgage and car loans, and your tax returns for the previous three years. Also include your pay stubs and evidence of how much you make, and anything you had that was yours before the marriage. 

There’s no need to keep anything from your wife. You just need to have this information. In fact, being prepared for a divorce, from a man’s perspective, begins with a complete understanding of where all your money is. That’s the foundation for any sensible strategy.

2. Open a Bank Account in Your Name Only

Having all your money in accounts you share with your wife isn’t going to help you if you get divorced. So, open a checking account that’s just for you, and a little savings account as well. 

Don’t suddenly transfer a lot of money; it could make your situation worse in court. You do need somewhere for your wages to go if you need to leave quickly, though. A small account to fall back on is essential on any divorce preparation list for men. 

And while you’re at it, change the passwords for your personal email, your cell phone and anything online that’s only in your name. Your partner shouldn’t be able to access your private things anymore.

3. Check Your Credit Report

Get your credit report, and it won’t cost you anything. Carefully go through absolutely everything on it. You might discover credit cards or loans you’ve never heard of, or perhaps payments that were late and lowered your credit score when you weren’t even aware of them. 

When you know where you stand with your credit before you start dealing with the divorce, you’re in a stronger position, and you can identify issues quickly. Because of a poor score, getting an apartment or a car after the divorce could be difficult. It’s much simpler to resolve these things at this moment, rather than dealing with them later.

4. Don’t Pack Your Bags Yet

 very common and really damaging error in divorce is what men do. They’ll get furious, shove some things in a bag, and then go and live at a friend’s place. That feels satisfying for a single night, but it will cause them problems for a long time. 

If you’re the one to move out of the family home, a judge might decide you don’t depend on the house as much. You could also find you’re at a disadvantage when deciding who gets the children, as the children are currently at their mother’s place and not yours. Unless you’re in actual danger or are being abused, it’s best to remain in the house. If you must, sleep in the spare bedroom. And, importantly, get legal advice from a lawyer first…absolutely, always do that.

5. Stay Close to Your Kids

These days, being with your kids is hugely important, so really be there for them. Don’t hold back, don’t become distant, and don’t get lost in your job. Be a part of their lives, each and every day. 

On your phone, just jot down things like school drop offs, making their lunch, assisting with their homework, or even being at that rainy soccer match. You might need this as proof later if you go to court. 

Lots of perfectly good dads end up in a worse position not because of how they treated their children, but because they can’t prove everything they did for them. Don’t let that happen to you.

6. Watch What You Say and What You Post

Anything you write, any email, or what you put on Facebook, Twitter, or anywhere else… it could all be used in court at some point. Don’t complain about your spouse on the internet. And don’t fire off furious texts in the middle of the night. In fact, don’t say anything to your friends in a group message that you’d be embarrassed for a judge to see. Basically, if you wouldn’t want it on the front page of the newspaper, don’t type it. Keeping your head and saying nothing are two of the best tips for men going through a divorce, and they’re free!

7. Talk to a Lawyer Before You Talk to Anyone Else

Definitely talk to a family lawyer in your state before you say anything to your partner, your employer, or your mother. A really good lawyer will go over what you are legally allowed to do, the laws for your location, and what your choices are. Lots of lawyers have an initial consultation that is cheap or won’t cost anything at all. You should have a list of all your financial details and a notebook for your questions. When you meet, you can find out about how long things generally take to be finalized, the possible total expense, custody arrangements specific to your state, and what you are best advised to do and avoid doing at this moment. That one sensible hour with a lawyer could save you a lot of money further down the line.

8. Don’t Make Big Money Moves

People sometimes attempt to shift their assets before they actually file for divorce, concealing cash, purchasing a new truck or giving money to a friend with the intention of it being kept safe. This is a really bad idea. Courts are very good at figuring out when someone has done something like this and judges really aren’t impressed. You could end up losing a lot more than you’d hoped to protect. 

And the same principle applies to large spending. Don’t buy a boat, don’t sell your family vehicle, don’t take all the money out of your pension, and don’t alter your will right now. Instead, hold off until you’ve spoken to a lawyer. 

Proper planning before divorce means doing nothing rash while you prepare yourself. If you are slow and careful, the process will ultimately be much more efficient.

9. Take Care of Your Body and Mind

Going through a divorce really damages your health. Men particularly tend to ignore this, and instead drink too much, don’t eat enough, and have a lot of trouble sleeping. Consequently they end up in court exhausted, unhappy, and quick to anger. This is bad for both the legal outcome and for the children. 

What you should do is eat proper food, get some exercise by being outdoors for a walk, and attempt to get at least seven hours of sleep each night. Opening up to a friend or family member is important, and a therapist or a support group for men can give you the help you need to deal with everything. You don’t have to be strong by yourself. 

If you do those things, you’ll be able to think far more rationally and make far better decisions, and your children will have a dependable father to rely on, rather than a dad who is falling apart.

10. Make a Plan, Not a Reaction

This is possibly the most crucial thing on this list. The majority of awful divorces begin with a husband being driven to his limit, losing control and doing something in the heat of the moment. He’ll fire off a furious text, leave the house, or say something to the children he’ll always regret. 

Having a genuine plan completely alters the situation. 

Get your main objectives in writing. Decide what is truly important to you: your children, your house, your money, your job, and your own tranquility. You won’t be able to have absolutely everything, so determine the three things you value most. Then, be methodical and careful, progressing with each step. 

This is what preparing for divorce realistically looks like for men. It’s not about making a lot of noise, or being furious. It’s about being prepared.

What to Do Next

Getting a divorce is hugely significant in your life. You shouldn’t go through it by yourself or without knowing what’s happening. Each thing you do from this point on will give you a bit more time, a little more calm, and a greater sense of control.

Begin with the simpler things: organize your documents, open a bank account in your name, make sure you’re with your children, and limit your phone use. Afterwards, schedule a discussion with a lawyer. 

You have no way to predict your spouse’s decisions. But you absolutely can decide how prepared you will be, and in a divorce, being the prepared one is what matters most.